Spring is in the Air. Or is that fall, I can never tell. The leaves here are changing. There is
this one tree that is turning lavendar/purple. It's really pretty. I hope
it lasts for a week! Oh my goodness, I can not type right now! I keep
having to go back and erase things. But anyway, for some strange reason,
there is a partial roll of toliet paper next to this computer. I don't
know where the heck it came from or what it is doing there. Wow, a
mystery. Let's get our notebooks and write down clues and solve it. "The
roll was found at 7:49 late in the week, Friday, if I remember correctly.
At first, its reason for abandoning the bathroom was unknown. But I
interviewed a couple of first hand witnesses to the roll's daring, yet
deadly escape. 'I saw it rolling down the aisles,' one witness said. 'It
kept stopping and looking at books. I remember it looked at one for a real
long amount of time. When it left, curosity got the best of me and I had
to look at the book. Quitting the Bowl, a user's guide to quitting
marijuana. I was quite suprised at this. The toliet paper roll had
mistakenly mixed up a smoking bowl and the toilet bowl. But hey, toliet
paper can't even read, so what does it matter?'
I pursued the matter further. Not many people were around the actual scene
of the crime. I tried speaking with a paper cup, also found on the desk
near the computer, but paper cups can't talk. Finally, I got a tip from a
paperclip that there had been one person near by. I found this person and
asked them confronted the crime. At first, they were reluctant to answer
my questions. So I offered him a spot in out witness protection program.
He refused this offer, apparently lacking faith in the officers of the law.
However, when tempted with a chocolate fudge sunday, he fessed up all he
had seen. 'It was really late,' he mumbled between bites, 'and the library
was about to close. When all of the sudden, this small white thing come
rolling round the corner of a bookshelf. It scared the bejimmeneycricket
out of me! But then I realized it was only a toilet paper roll, and not a
very large one at that. I moved out of its way and it rolled over to a
computer station. There was this girl there. I had seen her out before
and I knew she was trouble. I mean, I once saw her drop a rock out of a
window. It was awful. The poor rock couldn't even defend itself.' He
sniffles, a tear runs down his left cheek. Then he begins again, angered,
'And one other time, my friend saw her leave the bathroom with out washing
her hands!!!!! She told me all about it. The girl walked out of the stall
and right out the door!!!! I'm not even why a person like this is allowed
to live in society." He turns away from me, trying to hide his pain. I
urge him to continue, guiding him towards the events of night in question.
Without turning back, he continues. "When I saw that poor roll heading for
her, I tried to stop it, but it was too late. In an instant, she had
snatched it up off the floor and slammed it down on the desk. An evil grin
spread across her face and I could tell she had something especially cruel
in mind for the roll. She picked it up and . . . she . . . . . . . . . . .
she tore part of the roll off. I was horrofied. It was the most
disgusting thing I had ever seen. The vomit rose in my throat. I gagged,
but held it down. Then, in the most perverse, degrading, straight from
hell idea in which she seemed to take a devilish pleasure, she began
empthing the contents of her nose into the dismembered pieces. She
repeated this process numerous times, each time hiding the evidence in a
small garbage pale beside the desk. In a final act of humiliation and
torture, she crammed the tattered roll between the computer and the wall.
As it writhed in anguish, she laughed wildly, a laugh which echoed through
he near empty library long after the roll had given up it's struggle to
survive. After she left, I rushed over to the desk and tried to revive
the roll. But it was too late. I got scared and ran out of the library.
I should have done something, I should have stopped the roll. Why?
WHY???? Why did it ever leave the safety of the bathroom?" I tried to
calm the man, but it was no use. A short time later, I had to leave. His
whimpers could still be heard down the hall and as I closed the door behind
me.
His story checked out, though. The mangled pieces of tissue were found
right where he said they were. We returned later that day to question the
man again in an attempt to find this murderer, but he was gone. We
searched for months, but nothing solid turned up. It's sad to think that
such a horrible crime can occur with out ever being solved and the criminal
getting their due. Even worse to consider is how a crime like this ruined
the life of our key witness. Rumors had surfaced that he had been
committed, others that he was living on the street in Seattle, but we never
caught up with him.
Ever since these events, I have had dreams. Dreams in which rolls of
toilet paper can walk the streets in safety, without the fear of
mutilation, or being returned to their slave like existance, a steed metal
bar thrust through them, constantly spun as cold hearted people slowly tear
away all their worth. Maybe someday this dream will become a reality,
maybe I just ate some bad nachos.
Well, I hope you liked my little detective story. ( I can 't believe I
just wrote that. I am almost afraid to go back and read it.) Have a great
night, and remember, it isn't just your bathroom slave, it is a living,
breathing being, that just might become your friend if you take the time to
talk with it.